Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
