It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
