all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
