I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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