I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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