I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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