When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
