why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
