Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
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