just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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