He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
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