All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
