At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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