need another drink. this is the easiest way
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
