he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
