I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
