i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Who died my cat blue again?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
