true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
