soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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