so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
