I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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