o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
