I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
