There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize