OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
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