Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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