never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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