Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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