I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Say something about gay babies.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
