I got chris browned last night
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
