I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
