He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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