the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
