Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
