Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
