I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
