guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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