So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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