My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
