Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Randomize
