you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
third nipple confirmed
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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