We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize