Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
