I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
