it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize