There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Dignity is for republicans.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
