at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
