Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
