can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
