i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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