i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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