So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
