I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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