did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
