I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
from now on my penis is your penis
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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