I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
