Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
