why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Farmville is her only friend.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
