Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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