I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize