its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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