I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Randomize
