were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Boobs speak an international language.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize