So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
