she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
