SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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