i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
