So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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