you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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